“I’m quirky, silly, blunt, and broken. My days are sometimes too dark, and my nights are sometimes too long. I often trip over my own insecurities. I require attention, long for passion, and wish to be desired. I use music to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe. I love hard and with all that I have… and even with my faults, I am worth loving.”

Long quote, right? Seems pretty perfect for me, though. I’m sure many people could relate to it. We all have flaws. We all have issues. We’re all damaged in some way (some more than others), but that doesn’t make any of us unworthy of love.

Logically, I know this. But sometimes, I have trouble accepting it emotionally. During my “down” days, I feel unworthy of love. I look around and see that almost all of my friends have found “the one” and are starting families and I wonder what in the world is wrong with me, I feel like I’m falling behind. I start thinking that, if I were really worthwhile, then I would have someone special in my life. I think about the people that found love early on, like my parents. My mom was 24 years old when she married my dad and just shy of 26 when I was born. I’ve already past that point and I’m nowhere near getting married and starting a family.

I realize that I’m still young. I also know that getting married and having children is not everythingin life. I have many other important things going on. But a family is something I’d like to have some day and the more failed relationships I have and the older I get, the less likely it feels and the worse I feel about myself. Why is it that so many of my friends found “the one” in their early 20s, yet here I am, almost 30, and I’m still alone? Am I looking in the wrong places? Am I attracted to the wrong kinds of guys? I don’t know. I don’t understand.

So let’s get back to the positive. I feel like I should document the reasons why I’m worth loving:

  • I am well-educated and intelligent.
  • I am independent and mostly self-sufficient.
  • I am mostly healthy and live a somewhat active lifestyle (limited only by my defective knees and lack of sleep).
  • I am not ugly (see previous post regarding self-image).
  • I have a good sense of humor.
  • I am caring and compassionate.
  • I am generous.
  • I am supportive and helpful.

If I have other good qualities, I can’t think of them right now. I suppose that what matter is reminding myself of these qualities and trying to convince myself that some day someone will appreciate them and love me for them, in spite of all the other crap. Right?


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